Jimmy Kimmel Wants to Cut Brett Kav’s Penis Off

posted by Matt Wilstein - 

Jimmy Kimmel came out guns blazing against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh on Monday night after a second woman came forward to accuse him of sexual misconduct over the weekend. “Only 12 more and he can run for president,” he joked.

Since he tapes his show on west coast time, Kimmel may have been the only late-night host to include clips from Kavanaugh’s bizarre Fox News interview in which he defended himself against the allegations by explaining that he was a virgin through high school and into college.

“Thank you for admitting that,” Kimmel said. “He was a virgin until many years after. So if he doesn’t get to be on the Supreme Court, maybe he’ll be The Bachelor.” This led the host to reports that Kavanaugh plans to use calendars he kept in high school to dispute the claim that he was at the party where Christine Blasey Ford said he tried to rape her. “What 17-year-old keeps calendars of his social engagements?” he asked. “No wonder he was a virgin.”

As Kimmel noted, President Trump seems to be growing fonder of Kavanaugh as more allegations emerge, saying on Monday that “for people to come out of the woodwork from 36 years ago and 30 years ago” is “totally political.”

“Yeah, spoken like a man who has people coming out of the woodwork from 30 years ago,” Kimmel said, before proposing his own “compromise” to what has become a partisan fight over Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the highest court in the country.

“Hear me out on this,” he said. “So Kavanaugh gets confirmed to the Supreme Court, OK? Well, in return we get to cut that pesky penis of his off in front of everyone.” As some members of his audience groaned, Kimmel added, “No? That’s not good? I thought I had a solution there for a minute.”

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